Stuck On You
Republican presidential nominee John McCain underwent surgery today at the University of Arizona Medical Center to remove a 192-pound growth from his hip. Senator Russ Feingold (D, Wisconsin) and Senator McCain have been attached to one another since the passage of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform bill in 2002.
The operation was performed by a team of specialists headed by Dr. Vincent Newton. Dr. Newton has successfully separated dozens of conjoined twins but today’s surgical procedure was the first time he’d been asked to remove a politician from his past accomplishments. “The surgery went smoothly,” Dr. Newton told reporters following the 8-hour operation, “but he may limp toward Election Day.” Both Senators were recovering in separate rooms to prevent the risk of re-connection.
Rick Davis, Senator McCain’s campaign manager, hailed today’s operation as a clean break from McCain’s maverick past. “Without the burden of ethical rules governing his campaign fundraising,” Mr. Davis said, “Senator McCain is free to exploit loopholes like a true Republican.”
Conservative commentator Sean Hannity, speaking on Fox News, expressed his satisfaction with McCain’s decision. “He is now free from the weight of bi-partisanship that made him an attractive candidate to moderate voters and can now concentrate on appealing to the conservative minority.”
If McCain recovers as expected, a follow-up procedure to remove his vote against the Bush tax cuts is scheduled for next week.
