Generation Whine

When Douglas Copeland published his seminal work Generation X, he described an age cohort drifting through post-college angst with nothing to look forward to but an endless series of “McJobs.”  Social commentators and marketers co-opted Copeland’s expression to mean young adults born in the early 1970s. Copeland, who was 29 at the time of this [...]

Riots Erupt Over Economic Stimulus Package

Rioting erupted across the nation as desperate citizen’s scrambled to secure floating twenty dollar bills that were released from helicopters as part of the $150 billion economic stimulus package. A fleet of helicopters emblazoned with the Federal Reserve logo soared over all fifty states today, releasing their payload of newly printed bills that fluttered to [...]

Mitt Romney Pledges to End the War in Iraq for As Long As It Takes

Punta Gorda, FL–Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney took a bold stand today, pledging to end the war in Iraq “for as long as it takes.” Addressing supporters at the local American Legion Post, the former Massachusetts Governor outlined his plan to “swiftly conclude America’s military commitment in Iraq, even if it takes 100 years.” Asked [...]

Bank of America Forecloses on the White House

Washington, D.C. — A notice of foreclosure was issued by the Bank of America today on the White House, a historic property located at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in our Nation’s Capitol. White House spokesperson Dana Perino revealed that President George W. Bush had refinanced the White House in 2005 in order to meet some unexpected [...]

The Great Debaters

Why is it that we insist that our campaign for the presidency be just another reality show? It’s bad enough that Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama spent last night’s party debate sniping at one another; to make matters worse, we had a moderator asking guided questions designed to elicit their baser instincts. If [...]

Mike Huckabee Pledges Vow of Silence

Boca Raton, FL. –Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has taken a vow of silence.  In what he called his last campaign stump speech, the former Arkansas governor stated that he will not open his mouth until the end of the primary campaign period. Citing the example of Christian saints and martyrs, Huckabee believes that this surprising [...]

Republican Party Named to Endangered Species List

Washington, D.C. — In a surprising move, Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne announced today that the Fish and Wildlife Service has named the Republican Party to the Endangered Species List. Citing a nationwide decline in Republican Party registrations and opinion polls expressing dissatisfaction with the current crop of Republican presidential candidates, Kempthorne explained that [...]

Why I Don’t Like Hillary, Part 3

Purple America is home to the moderate point of view. While it may appear that this correspondent leans to the left, one must acknowledge the sharp rightward veer that has mired our country in a fetid ditch. The center course only appears to steer left in comparison to the direction we have been traveling.
Which [...]

Republican Debate Ends in Bloodshed

Myrtle Beach, S.C.–The Republican Presidential Debate ended in tragedy today when a crazed Representative, Duncan Hunter, distraught over being ignored for the latest campaign debate, opened fire on his party competitors with an M16 semi-automatic rifle. Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee returned fire from a shotgun hidden in his pant leg while bullets glanced off [...]

The Audacity of Hubris

It isn’t an original thought but it bears repeating: Senator Barack Obama’s victory over Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton shatters the aura of inevitability that has surrounded Ms. Clinton’s claim on the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination.
While Iowa’s convoluted party caucus system is hardly a bellwether of things to come, the convincing outcome is sure to [...]